Please note the following episode contains brief discussion on child abuse and suicide attempts. You are listening to The Wolf into the wing with Sarah Zeller and Shay Carey. I'm Sarah and I'm Shea, and we're excited for you to join us. As we travel the world together, uncover ancient secrets, prepare for galactic contact, and discover the truth of human potential. This episode is about our awakenings, and we are going to talk about the stories of us coming alive, remembering who we are, what we're doing here. Like so many of you guys, we have been on a journey as well of remembering why we came here, what our abilities are. The things that I hear a lot about in our groups has to do with people waking up and people having either really dramatic awakenings where they're there to take a plant medicine ceremony, or they do some sort of past life regression or Akashic records or something that triggers that moment of being perfectly asleep into that moment of. Wow. I'm awake and I remember everything. And not only do I remember, but it's making this moment of living in the 3D, in the here and now very, very difficult. I know you've seen this happen in your own life, and we are watching this happen in a phenomenon of the global population beginning to wake up the human species in general all over the world. So in the wolfpack, we have people from all over the world. Different countries have Belgium, we have Sweden, we have Germany, Slovakia, Japan, Mexico, everywhere, Canada all over the place. And the stories we hear over and over again have to do with this, either very slow or very rapid awakening that's taking place right now. And that for those who don't know what the Wolf Pack is, it's a Substack where Sarah just started sharing her journey and has created this beautiful chat. Live Q&A, if you will, on Sunday nights. And it's really started to help so many people. And so we just were very inspired to start this podcast to just talk about what we're doing, what we're journeying through. But we thought that it would be appropriate to start by sharing our journey to meeting each other. And yeah, so that's what we're here to do today. And also just to let you know that we are not above or different than any of you guys, and we haven't been on this journey for dozens of years. This is a relatively new experience for all of us, and we are all in it together. So hopefully some of the experiences that we share or that we talk about will resonate with you or strike a chord as something familiar. Shay and I, you know, we have very different awakening experiences, and I love that because it shows that it doesn't happen in one way. Maybe you will have a plant medicine ceremony that wakes you up overnight and then your spouse may take. Two years. Right. And this is a very common thing. There's no wrong or right way to go about this. Sometimes the most dramatic awakenings, as exciting as they are to hear about, they are really hard to integrate. So there's pros and cons to both. And we're going to be a little bit talking about that today. Yeah. Okay. You want to start. Sure. So for me I think I've always been a skeptic person. Like when it comes to roles. I grew up in a private school, and when it comes to roles, I was always very just not combative. But I just really wanted to know why. Like, why did you give me a detention for having an untucked shirt? Like, it just seemed really, in the grand scheme of things, dumb me. And I always was a very sensitive child, and so I always took things so personal, even if it wasn't even happening to me. And I was just forever. I was just like, why am I so sensitive? Like, why is everything so, like, challenging for me? And I eventually learned modalities to deal with that, as we all do. And you know what really catapulted me and my awakening was during lockdown of Covid when we were forced to stop working. I was a full time hairdresser by trade at that time and I just kind of was shocked, like I wasn't really a person that really paid attention to the news or was really engulfed in those sorts of things. Like, I spent so much time communicating and talking with all different walks of life and people that like, I just, I got all the information I needed by being a hairdresser, which I know too much. But, you know, it's like when we had to, like, close our doors, we weren't legally allowed to work, and then we had to, like, wear masks over our face to go places. I was just, like, more than confused, I was upset. I felt like my freedoms had been taken away. Taken away. And, you know, it just so happened and that in that part of my life, I, you know, I was in partnership with someone who I truly believe was a big, big part of ripping all of the conditioning that I had basically allowed myself to believe. From a young child being in a private school, being a Catholic, believing that. If you aren't a good person or if you don't do this, this unless you're going to hell. And I already had my reservations about that. And so this was just an added layer to like, my skepticism. Not to say, you know, that I don't believe in God or a higher power or spiritual. Right. Right. Anything. It's just like I was no longer confined to the walls of, like, how I grew up. And how did that change how you went about your daily life at that point? I know we were all like, all going through the pandemic and in lockdown, but like, did you start to look at things differently? Yeah, I was questioning literally everything. And you know, I'm I'm very close with my family and that was the first time in my life like that. I felt like when I went to them that we were on completely different pages, only because when you are indoctrinated, when you are older and on medication and you're in the system, you know, I was young, like, I'm not on any medication. I don't go to the doctor. And then my brother, you know, is is in the medical field. And so and he's very brilliant and he's my older brother. And so it's just like we had two different perspectives on the situation. And I'm so fortunate that they listened to me. And like, even though we disagreed at first, we had some like very heated conversations. I felt so isolated. And to the point where, like, I didn't go home. Like I didn't talk to them for months. Yeah. Which was like really hard. It just really, really challenging. And and in the meantime, you're in this relationship. And do you care too? I mean, there were the pros, obviously of it leading to your awakening and pulling off the veil of reality itself. What the world really is. And, you know, the layers of existence. But like, how was that the other layer in that relationship for you? It was hard because I definitely would consider him a truth seeker, but also just not really just like knew what he knew. And there was no there was no telling him any different. And part of that was also really isolating because I felt so confused, but also like he was the only person that I could talk to about it because he was the only person that understood. And so that like, also led to another layer of isolation. And, you know, then we both were extremely aware after just going into so many deep dives, like all we did together was watch documentaries and things on YouTube and we were on telegram. We were on every everything you could possibly imagine, like sending things back and forth to each other. He moved in with me. We were like hiking every day. You know, there were parts of it that were really, really, really, like, absolutely amazing. But I was just so just lost. And in that process of being so lost of like, what is the truth or the newfound truth that I knew is like, how does everyone else not see this? And who am I? Yeah. Work. And he was happy to tell you what you were. So it was like he was offering from my perspective. He was offering this, okay, this is who you are. And at the same time, you're feeling this isolation from your family and from the rest of the world, from your friend group. It's not all like having these revelations that you are, but he is. So there's like a sense of this is your identity. But unfortunately, it wasn't healthy and it wasn't expanding in a way, there was a part of it that was expanding, but then there was this huge part that was like spiraling. Sure. And, you know, and very hard, very hard, very challenging because I think there was just so many elements to that relationship. But I, I think the biggest turn of events happened when we decided to start microdosing and also doing heroic doses of psilocybin. You know, the first time that I did a large dose, which was about three grams, I think I just laid there and cried the entire time, you know, like we were extremely careful of. Like how we set up the stage. Like played very high frequency music, all of those things. But it was like all of the fear narrative and all of the rules and all of the social constructs I had put on myself. Like, I could just see so clearly that it was a lie and I didn't know what to do with that. And I think that's what's so dangerous about doing this sort of thing without someone who understands how to navigate the psychology of energetics. Because after that, I definitely felt like I was finding more of myself, but I was still so lost and diving in a documentary some more on Gaia and like watching Pharmacopoeia and just confused. And so then I decided through one of my really good friends I've been with since childhood. I think she was the only person that really stuck. By my side, through through everything. And just like even though it was painful for her, she was like. You really need to do a facilitated plan medicine ceremony, like with a shaman, with someone that's trained with someone that, like, can help you ground all of this emotion that you're feeling out of your body and talking about this like, I know you can hear it in my voice like it's so emotional. But yeah, the the facilitation and the group play medicine ceremony was something that I really can't put into words. And that is where I met Sarah. And just our conversation about both of our experiences. It's like everything that she said, like I was hearing it for the first time, but it was like a deep knowing in my core what I was feeling like I wasn't crazy. I guess it was affirming and like, I know that you're that since you've been sharing your your writing and you've been on this journey, you know a while, like, I know you're that for a lot of people, however, I just don't think that I knew how far that was going to catapult me into the next chapter of my life. So yeah, yeah, it was really a turning point, wasn't it, for both of us that. Important meeting at that ceremony. Yeah. That's right. Yeah. If I look back on, like, the journey itself. Like, for me to meeting you at that point was, was a turning point. Yeah. Yeah. And yeah, I think, like, when I was there, I wasn't nervous because I understood what plant medicine was at that point. Everyone else around me was like a little scared, a little timid, just very, very. I'm just going to say afraid. And I was just kind of sitting there like, why am I here? You know, like I had to fight to get here. Like I had to fight really hard to get here. Like, why are we sure? And then Sarah walks in with her husband and, like, we're all sitting in this living room on the couch, and I am very much an observer, so I'm just sitting there with my eyeballs just, like, wide. And we like locked eyes. As soon as you walked in the room and I was like, well, who the hell is that? You know? And, you know, she has definitely said, like, she could see the shell of of energy, of sadness, of confusion, of pain that I was wearing during that time. So, yeah, sweetie, we can, I guess, kind of talk more about that after. But. Thank you for sharing that. Thanks. I know it's emotional and it makes me emotional just hearing it, because to know that you are in such pain at that time makes my heart hurt. But also, I have so much gratitude because it led to you let us together and led our paths to the place that they're at. But still, but still right. I feel like your journey represents a lot of people right now, because during Covid, so many people were waking up and you had a whole resurgence of humans who were like, my freedoms this blah, blah, blah, and they got pulled into like the RFK camp and like, you know, we these are our friends. This is you, right? All wanting freedom, all wanting the potential of humans that we have been denied for so long. All wanting the truth of reality. The truth. Right? Everyone feeling like they've been lied to. And they have been. And what I observed happening was like you and people like you who are all scooped up by another facet, another arm of the dark agenda that was like. I'll give you the truth that you're looking for. Yeah, right. Yeah. And it was genius marketing. And we are sitting on this side of it now. Watching this. Right. Watching the fallout of this begin. Of all of those people feeling lied to again. Feeling duped again. And it's really this is why, you know, we talk about you and I with our groups, that it's not about one side of the political spectrum or the other. Yeah, it really has nothing to do that. And people don't like it when we say that sometimes. But that's the that's the real truth. The people, the beings, I should say, who have been doing the sort of atrocities that you're aware of, that I'm aware of. Two humans have been involved in all sorts of crimes for thousands of years, and they're all in on it together. Yeah. I mean, it's just so much deeper than than I was even aware of before. Same. I was so in the system and I'm like, I was laughing because my guides just came in and gave me a really loud ring. And my so I, I think they like that we're having this conversation. I think so, but yeah, I mean, I know that your journey was so different from mine, so different in kind of like similar in the fact of coming from isolation as well, but not supporting you like in the beginning either. So do you want to touch on that? Yeah. So my life story is Bananas and I tried to like, condense it. But if I could just run through some highlights here for you. I was born to an unwed teenage mother. I was. My father was an immigrant from El Salvador and wanted to marry my mother. But she and now I know has like borderline personality disorder, a lot of PTSD. She's definitely a narcissist, a lot of mental health issues. She kidnapped me when I was a year and a half years old, went across state lines, married someone else within three months, and changed our names. And this person that she married was a domestic abuser, and he started abusing me when I was a very small child as soon as they were married. Really? Um, so around two years old. And I had really unusual gifts from that very young age. And I think that was part of why I was targeted a little bit, also because I was not my stepfather's, I was my dad's. This is where a lot of the the title or nickname or conversation around Wolf Cub came from, because when they would be punishing me or when he would be beating me as a little child for like sucking my fingers or something really, really innocent. Just like playing make believe, like playing or allowing yourself to be a child. Yes. Or, you know, touching toys in the store or whatever. You know, there would be like. Really terrible abuse that would happen because of that. And when he would do that to me, he would say, or he and my mother would say, we're spanking your father, the wolf out of you. And they would say, my father was a wolf in sheep's clothing because he preyed on my mother in a youth group, which is so ridiculous because they were both teenagers. So he did not prey on her, and they both fell in love. And so but as a little kid, I heard that over and over and over again, like, you know, and, and I always would look in the mirror and be like, if I just didn't look like the way I look. If I had just looked like my siblings, more like my son, because I looked nothing like my mother, and you've seen her and nothing like her. And so there was this deep amount of shame, and they would tell people, because I'm one of, you know, 11 there were a lot of us. I'm the oldest. So my mom and dad, when they got married, they immediately started having a bunch of children. When I was nine, almost ten, we moved from Southern California to North Idaho. At this point, they'd already been involved in multiple cults, and they got involved in some extreme ones up in North Idaho. And I mean, we're talking like major survivalist gun stalking, like Y2K prepared really, really off the grid kind of people like very, very extreme fundamentalist. So, I mean, we read the Bible. I don't even know how many times cover to cover memorized whole chapters. We learned how to make our own clothes, our own food. We had we literally could live off the land. We had a farm. So I like when I talk about like survivalism now and having a garden and things like this. This is like nothing. This is my childhood. Yeah, also. And you very much don't live that way now. No, I very much so. It's like it's not funny, but it's also like you can giggle a little bit about it now just thinking about, like where you are and like here. Yeah. Just like, you know, the city is so different. It is so different. It is living in the middle of nowhere. But it's just like it's such a skill to know both. It is. And I am such a huge proponent of community gardens. And, you know, I have multiple friends who have huge gardens and I support that. And I support, you know, growing what I can. But I'm not I am not yeah. No, I'm not a survivalist by any stretch of the imagination. And not everybody is going to be. But if you're not going to have, you know, I do stock food, I stock food, I have emergency supplies like this, but not everyone is going to have a whole garden. But you should support one. You should be friends with people who have gardens. This is important, but that's why you have to lean in. That's the importance of this awakening that we're talking about is that the more you find out, the more you're leaning into yourself. And you know what your strength is. That's right. Your strength may or may not be growing a garden. Your strength may be organizing tasks. Absolutely may be I mean, the list goes on, like a community, like. Is still a community at the end of the day. There's going to be lots of necessities. That's going to be something that is brings you full joy, like to the point of tears. And yeah, I yeah. So you definitely are prepared on all sides because I grew up. But I am and I can make some amazing cottage cheese. I was just saying that to you and your mom the other day. You were like, seriously, if anyone ever needs cottage cheese, homemade bread like this is I know I don't look it, but I can make some really awesome food. Homegrown. Yeah, and just stuff that, you know, never dies, never leaves you. But that was my life in North Idaho. It wasn't like a game. It wasn't for fun. It was survival. We really live like that. We really were very poor. Really, really lived on very little. We had no friends. So that was my teenage hood from, well, more than teenage hood. So I lived there from 10 to 18. Then I left for the first time at 18 to Nashville, Tennessee. And then I ended up coming back after I was called. And my siblings needed me and I and I went back. But when I went to Nashville, I lived in an Amish community. So I am completely off the grid. No electricity. So like this is hardcore in my wiring. I know this stuff pretty well, but what I will say is just as far as my journey is concerned. Like one little piece of information that might be helpful to know is that I had these abilities when I was like five, 4 or 5 really, really young. I started having strange phenomena occurring around me. I realized then that sound and color were very synonymous for me and occurred at the same time, which is part of my neurodivergent. Neurodivergent. I understand this now, but I also was perceiving spirits and fairies, and I would tell my mom and stepdad about this, or I would tell the kids at church about this when they would gather around, and I would tell them stories in the front of church after church. And the parents are so happy for it, because it meant that all the kids were in one spot and not running around and jumping on things. And so I was I mean, I was a little kid, and I would captivate all these little kids at the front of the church, and they'd all just be like, like eating out of my hand. And then I would I would end the story with, and we'll see what happens next week. And they'd all be like, no, no, no, no. Tell me what happened. What happened to the tomato family? Because I had all these, like, stories about, like, the tomato family and the asparagus family, and mommy tomato told Baby Tomato. Don't speak out of the leaves. You need to stay inside the leaves. And like I was disobeying. And then it got picked, right. Oh my God, by the humans. So as we know that I was captivated during that plant medicine ceremony, there are tons to have this captivating skill series about tomatoes and have fun speaking out over it. Right? Well, the tomatoes were okay, but as soon as I brought in the fairies and the flying frogs, one of the little children, little stinker rat, I don't know who it was. Went home to her mom. She was probably really excited about the story, to be honest. Told her mom the story. Her mom called my mom and said, Sarah is telling these stories, you know? And this is like fundamental Baptists. Like, we didn't watch TV. We were like, you know, real conservative. And these are our liberal days, by the way. And since my mom was like, Sarah, you're lying, you're going to get in trouble. And I was like, were you lying? And I was like, no, I wasn't lying because I was literally pulling from my experiences of being out in our community lawn. We had this one oak tree that we all climbed in the neighborhood, and I remember climbing that to this day, climbing that tree and seeing the fairies flitting between the leaves. And that was part of my experience. So I was pulled. That's where I got that information from. We weren't watching Disney Channel like or anything like that. We had no real TV. And so anyway, I would get punished and the punishing was very severe and I would often leave my body because I am so sensitive. And so I would essentially go unconscious. And I remember one night I was probably 5 or 6 years old and I asked Jesus. I prayed to Jesus that he would help me to not see anything because I knew that you know me. Yeah. If I see it, I'm going to talk about it because I have no filter and I'm just like, this is happening. Everybody should be excited about it because I'm excited about it. And this makes sense to be excited about this. Can you guys see? Perceive all this is happening and know not everybody can perceive it. And right. And not everybody is excited about your experiences. Turns out not everyone thinks you're you're a stable human when you start talking about this stuff. So yeah, as I would find out. So I prayed to Jesus. And they went away. The gifts went away for my entire growing up in North Idaho. I had other things happen, but those things, my clairvoyance went completely away. And so then, fast forward to my mid 20s. I had left North Idaho again, moved to Nashville, and had met my partner. We were married, so this is a few years into our relationship. I had a baby. I went into a deep postpartum spiral, like really bad, and I had been in therapy for my family trauma for growing up the way I did, raising my siblings, all of this. I'd been in therapy ever since my husband met me and was like, you need to be in therapy or a mess. You're like, what? Therapy? What could have been this is not normal. Not healthy. So I had been in therapy for a while, but the postpartum just pulled up all of the shadow and ugliness of. Yeah, of of just. Existence itself as I was as well. My reality was not to mention like, we know that. Like now that like when you're sick and when you're ill, it is part of like a journey to it's it's a death in a way. Like. And you were so sick like that whole time and so this whole pregnancy that and then obviously traumatic birth story. And so just like the whole mourning of that whole situation brings in like, I mean, it's a lot and like anyone that's a mom that's listening to this, like, you know, you know, that nobody talks about how hard it was partum is, but nobody talks about like, how bad it is when you've had a traumatic entire pregnancy. Yeah, I know, maybe maybe they do. But like a lot of times people are totally shocked. Yeah, by this experience. But yeah. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. So are shocked. And that should not be the way it is. And this is part of us removing ourselves from village culture and all of the things we could sit and have a whole podcast we probably should about the very subject. Yeah. Yeah, but that was my experience. It was such a dark time, and I reached the place where I didn't want to be living again. I was like, oh crap, I've been here before. I had had multiple suicide attempts up to that point, but it had been a long time, like years before I even meeting my partner. And so I was like, I can't believe I'm going back into this. And I got so desperate that my husband and my therapist suggested I do a plant medicine journey, and we have really not done that. At that point, my partner was just starting to read about it from a therapeutic sense, the beneficial pieces of it. Sorry, I don't mean to cut, you know, was this also during the timeframe of Covid? Yes. And the only reason I bring that back up is because Harvard released obviously everyone knows like how Harvard Med is and what what is there. But they released an article that said psilocybin can rewire your neuro pathways and like that literally triggered. Like, I don't know how that made it through. I don't like I don't know how the people that control this place. Not that because Oopsy daisy you can't control. You can't put that back in the bag. No, it's like like, you know, since then, like the amount of people that have been catapulted. But. Yeah. Anyway, I just had to say that. Yeah, go. Go ahead. Because that's what where mine starts to. Exactly. So like when we're both huge proponents of that. Yes. Yeah. And like I know how much Michael like reads and all of that stuff. And Michael is my partner, just FYI. Yes. And so it's like I can totally see. Yeah. This coming from him. Like, okay, this is what we're doing. Yeah. So flash forward to your plan ceremony. Yeah I went kicking and screaming because I was like, you know, raised the way I was like, alcohol was bad. Everything was bad. I didn't have my first drink until I was like. I want to say 24. Wow. Like right before I met Michael. So, yeah, I was, like, squeaky clean. Never done anything. And drugs. Right? Who who wants to be doing drugs? Like, that's, like, terrible and terrifying. But I was so desperate. And after reading, like, a little bit of the science, I was like, okay, I got to try something for my child, do something. So we planned the ceremony. It was five hours. My therapist sat with me the entire time. She handed me the medicine, and it hit me in five minutes from consuming it, which never happens. And for people who have done psilocybin, you know that it generally like starts to phase in like 20, 30 minutes, 45 minutes, like really an hour. You're in it. It I had no walk in. There was no color change. And then all of a sudden I'm feeling something. No, I was sitting on my couch. I had my headphones right next to me, all ready to go prepared with my playlist. I did not even have time to reach over and grab my headphones and put them on my head. So Kristy would probably say it hit less than five minutes. Five minutes of what it felt like to me. Yeah. I said, she is like, nodding. Yeah. No, I mean, we've totally talked about this like. Also, just like you being able to perceive and feel things on a frequency level. Like with the mushrooms. You know, even when we have been doing plant medicine ceremonies. And I'm starting to feel this now too. Like when someone else is on medicine around you. Like you can see it. You can perceive it. You can feel what they're on. Like you don't even actually need to fully participate. And so of course not. When you have these certain like abilities like turn on, it's like, oh, okay, well you just saw the frequency of the mushrooms. You probably just held it and then took it and then it's like, oh, okay, the frequency is already here. Like our bam done boom door opened and we were and it was. Yes, exactly like that. And I saw my ancestors. And for anyone who doesn't know, I am of my own lineage and my paternal side. And so I that is who I saw. I saw my, my ancestors and they were drumming and they were welcoming me into the ceremony. And as soon as I said to my therapist, the ancestors are here, she was like, I know I can feel them. That was so fast. And so we were in this for five hours. I narrated the entire time what I was saying. I didn't open my eyes one time. I didn't leave my spot on the couch. One time I sat in cross-legged for five hours with my eyes closed in another world and in this other world. I saw a lot of things, and I won't go into them all. But essentially I discovered that I, I remembered. I remembered it wasn't about learning a single thing new, everything I saw. I saw myself as a little two year old on human, as a human form, and I saw myself, like asking for help and my guides coming to me and all of this. And it was a remembrance. I was like, oh, yeah. And as soon as I saw my guides coming to me, I said to my therapist, it's my family. Yeah, I remember it. It was my family. They they looked like stars when they were way out in the sky. And they came close. And they were my beings. They were my family. And it was wild because, you know, I learned that I'm a human hybrid. I saw the formation of my little body and my soul. I saw myself being sent to the cosmos. I never heard any of these things before. I had never heard any of these concepts. I heard the word starseed for the first time. I had never heard the word starseed. So when I came out of the journey, I said to my therapist, have you ever heard of a starseed? What did she say? I said, yeah, and that's exactly what you are. Had you ever heard of a star team? Oh my gosh. I was like, no. So then I went on like a Google rampage and I was like, Starseed, what's this? What's a hybrid? Like, I was like, trying to figure out all of the things. And I found this woman who was doing past life regressions and. Scheduled a time to do past life regression with her. The day that I was supposed to do it, sonnet, my daughter got sick. So I was like, hey, I'm gonna have to reschedule with you. And instead, my husband and I decided to do a little micro dose on our couch. And, I mean, it was tiny, tiny, tiny, like, paper macros. And maybe some colors will change. No, when we micro dose this tip this time. Not after this time, but just this time. He started crying and grieving his planet that was being destroyed in another star system. Turns out it's the same kind of remembrance that people have had all over the world. And Akashic Records. This is a huge galactic event, the destruction of Lyra when the Draconians came in and destroyed Lyra. My husband is the most pretty solid rooted. He's managing now, but his hand at the time? No. And he will tell you that. He will tell you that. So imagine, like his surprise to of like he was fully in it. He was remembering like having a tail and having, like, being like this, like cat creature, this little little kid cat creature and all of his planet being destroyed and the sky is being pink on fire and all of this, and I'm like, what is going on with you? And I'm kind of like, look at him like, wow, I'm seeing a lot of other things over in the meantime. Exactly. My hands are turning blue. I'm turning into this blue being, and suddenly I'm not in my living room. I'm walking around a white city and remembering all of these beings. Like I'm full on reliving Atlantis as the self my in my other body. Um, not a human, but the time that I was in Atlantis for those that period of time and oh my God, it was wild. I had never heard about Atlantis. Like this stuff sort of started landing on me. Why didn't you call it at first? I called it Atlanta. So funny. I was like, listening because I'm like, where am I? And I'm like listening in the crowd. And I heard people say. What sounded Atlanta is. I'm like, I'm in Atlanta. What's Atlanta like so far? Like at that point I had read Plato's like description of Atlantis, like briefly when I was studying Plato on my own because I knew myself schooling, but that was it, and it had never stuck with me. I'd never even seen the movie Atlantis by Disney. I never seen, I never read and seen anything. So I again, this was like hitting me from left field. But I'm remembering it on a deep core level. So I talked to my friend who's doing the past life regression and I'm like, oh my God, Atlanta came to me. She's like, you mean Atlantis? I'm like, yeah, she's like, that's a wild, uh, clearly we're supposed to be working together. So like the following week, we scheduled a past life regression and the the one that we hadn't been able to do the first time in and my entire life from Atlantis or the big highlights of it came back. That was what that path life regression was about. And she at the very end, she asked my higher self to come forward and and she did. And it was like a higher voice was definitely, like, more high pitched. Way high pitched. It was different. It felt like a breath, like a breath of air flowing through the crown chakra all the way through my body. And I felt at the same time that this voice was coming through my my throat, and it felt like a breeze and also looked like light. And my whole body was just seized by this. I don't even know how to say this ray of light, this ray of light, and this feeling of breeze that just came through me and through my throat chakra and began to talk to this past life regression and about me in third person. Oh my gosh. And like talking about me, it's after after like learning all of this information. Like how did you feel after that? Like, I mean, for me, like when I did mushrooms, like the hardest part was like reintegrating back into my body, like feeling like, wait a minute. Like, I know that this all is fake. Like, how am I supposed to participate in this 3D realm when I'm like, that's bullshit. That's bullshit. Like. It's like so hard. That's the hard part. That's exactly right. That is the hard part. And I think so many of our listeners would also agree. Like the feeling of loneliness that comes afterwards where it's like nobody else can understand what it is that I'm experiencing or remembering or learning or relearning and yeah, that's real. I think that's the hardest part. And like that desire to go back, that desire to go back out into the astral or to go back into that deep meditation or go back into the journey and not be here. And it's a really alluring desire, especially when you consider all of the hell that is happening on this earth right now. Yeah. And so we do have a lot of people, I think, who are in a type of spiritual psychosis where they're not embodied enough and they're kind of floating out in the astral. That's very common right now. We are seeing that. Yeah. And I also like think to like another piece of that. It just shows you how silly some roles are. Like, you know, I was listening to because I was watching Pharmacopeia and I also he was going around trying all these different medications, medicine or not medication, sorry, plant medicines with like where it derived from and the history and all this stuff. And they were interviewing someone. I wish I knew who it was, but they were like, what am I doing? Mushrooms teach you? And they were like. Basically you have A, B and C, and sometimes you need to like if you're at a, sometimes you need to skip B and go straight to C. And I'm like literally. Like if you're at a red light and it's dark outside and there's nobody around. What, are you gonna wait there for two minutes and you're like, it's still not turning. Are you just going to stay there because it's illegal? Are you gonna freaking run it? You know, like, maybe that's how my brain works, but I'm just like, that is how your brain works and someone else has works differently. That's okay. It is about using the wisdom of the medicines and in association with where you're at your spiritual journey. And this is why, again, I know we've been talking a lot about plant medicine in this episode, and I think it's important to reiterate from Shay and me that it's super important to do any of the plant medicines that you're doing with proper facilitation until you are very skilled in it and you can facilitate yourself, but that probably won't be for a while and make sure it's a safe container. Like, you know, I have nothing against Joe Schmo doing ayahuasca in his backyard or garage. Actually, I kind of do, because ayahuasca is an indigenous medicine that you need to honor and go to the lodge and go to the roots. But this is this is happening. Everybody seems to be doing this right now. And there are a lot of safety concerns about it. There are a lot of spiritual hygienic practices that are not being done. There's a lot of containment that's not being done. And this opens a big opening, right? It is an opening. It is a portal. So you want to be very careful. But the people you're doing it around and about the people who are guiding you. Yeah. I mean, it's just like, you know, your energetic field can be. I don't know what the word is. You can, like, access someone's energetic field without being on a substance, without being on a plant medicine or in a higher state of consciousness. And so when you're open like that, you've blessed. Guards up naturally, and it's like it's so much easier to access. And that's how you have to really, really, really make sure that you're protected and that you pray for protection. And obviously your guides are already going to be with you there, with you all the time, but not entering it from a place of fear either. Your fear, you know, lowers your vibration. But being wise, yeah. And being like, okay, does this person know what they're doing? I remember this one ceremony I went to in Nashville, and I had just come through this space, like my journey, you know, I was really open, I was excited, I was remembering things. I did this one ceremony. This was the last time I've ever done a psilocybin ceremony. And this was a few years ago. And the woman who was facilitating, she just, like, spread all of the mushroom substances out on the table and said, all right, help yourself. And then after everyone sort of dosed themselves, which you should never do, especially if you don't know what you're doing. She left insane. She literally left. And I was planning on journeying, but everyone was like, like going to all these weird places and there was no one to hold the space, no containment. So. I say, you know, everybody has some different processes. Not everybody has to do it the same. But definitely that's so common. Yeah. First person to say that to me, like I've heard that story before. Not from you. Right. Like it's. Ah, no. Right. It's just sorry. That's not that's not how I live. If you don't if the person hasn't been properly vetted before being in the room with you in a safe container, they're not welcome. Right? Right. Especially if they're facilitating. They need to have skills, practice, training a lot. So if we ever recommend a certain person to you, it's because they are vetted. So you can feel certain that, you know, we're not going to recommend anyone that we have not had experience with ourselves, but I just feel like that's an important caveat that needs to be made on a person with regards to that topic. And but just to wrap up, like my awakening and how I met you, how it brought me to you. So I after that plant medicine journey and the past life regression and all of these memories of Atlantis and all of the like, who I am and my my family, my star family and where I come from and all the stuff I started having memories come back in the middle of the day, like just driving my daughter to school. Like picking up groceries, taking a nap. I remember one of the biggest memory downloads that came to me happened after therapy. One day I got home. I was really tired. I just like got hit with this wave of tiredness and now I know it was my guides being like, you're ready for this, go take a nap. We're going to show you some things. And I relived my entire experience in Egypt and during the end of the last period and like all of this crazy stuff. So it started happening and I started feeling more lonely, and I started feeling like nobody understood me. And my guide said, we're bringing you someone and just be excited about this. As a person who's picked, you're going to love this person. I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. And okay, whatever. And then they were like, okay, now you need to go to this plant medicine ceremony up in Kentucky. And I was like, okay. And I thought I was going for other reasons, but they were like, just go, it's going to be great. So I go and I walk in and I walked in, saw she immediately saw the sadness and the cloak she had, like this gray cloak, all right, all the way around her like this energetic field. And she was just very, like, subdued in this gray cloak. There was sadness. I could see depression in her field. And then we started the journey. Didn't talk to each other at first, but then found each other at one point and started talking. And I just remember you looking at me and being like, you've changed my life. I changed 100%. I was like, everything makes sense now. I just remember your big eyes. You were just like, huge. And I was like, oh my God, what? And then during integration the next day, I think I said something about like, you know, my journey with friends and like. Being around people who understand me or whatever. And then you were like, crying. And the facilitator, like, read your mind. Yeah. I'm like, what you were thinking? And said, Shay, because you're sitting right next to me. Shay, do you have. I don't even think we meant to link to each other, but we were sitting next to each other. He said, do you want to share what you just said? And I was like, what? Like you can hear me. All right. Just like me says, you're so loud, right? And so you go. I will never leave you. I'm your friend and I will be your friend or something. And I will never leave you. And you were, like, dead serious. And you're like, oh. And I was like, oh my God, you're terrifying. That's terrifying. What I wanted was signing myself up for. And ever since then. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think, uh, after that you were like, come down to Nashville. And I was like, okay, here I come. And then, yeah, it just like, never missed a beat. Like I missed a beat since then. Yeah. And I obviously had no idea what your guys had said. I'm like, over here. Like, is being like, I'm dying, quite literally. And now we we know now how literal that death was, but for another time. But yeah, just to think about where I was and how I was until we started just recreating a life that we really had no idea could possibly exist. Yeah. And to think about how we've changed since then is just it's just amazing. I mean, obviously, like, just really dramatically your life has like. Changed totally. Yeah. And I mean, we're going to talk about that in one of the next episodes. We'll talk about some of the traveling because I was immediately like, okay, you're coming with me to all these places. I'm on a spiritual pilgrimage. Pilgrimage. And since you're my person, you want to come with me and you're like, well, I'm down. Well, I mean, let's be real. At first I totally invited myself, and I'm like, I need to ask my other friend. But yeah, sure, I think. And then, you know, obviously we knew it was the right choice. But yeah, if she were like, oh, boy. Oh, you know what? Yes. Fearful avoidant. And you know, I have been healing from that. So I don't even like that label anymore because I know this was just at the time I don't think. Yeah. No. Yeah, I definitely am healing from mine. But we just had adventure. And you know, it wasn't till later that my family was like, you know, that person we told you we were going to bring to you? That's her. So I had no idea. No, we didn't we didn't have a clue until I think almost recently because we went on this journey and like all this stuff and you're like, where have you been all my life? Like one truly, truly, truly. I think we've said that many times. Yeah. But just I mean, now knowing what we know about, like, our birth charts and like, who we actually are on like a spiritual galactic level. Yeah. I mean, it's just kind of like, you know, we're both hidden in different aspects of, like, who we are. And it's just interesting that we both were like part of, like catapulting each other as well and into this next chapter, what we've like. Both just chosen to commit ourselves to. I'm just really grateful. And even though, like, awakening is so painful, there's so many beautiful silver linings too. And I'll get emotional about the shitty parts. But I also just, like, I wouldn't change a thing. No. Same, same. And it just makes sense to talk about these things, right? That's why we have the podcast, because other people are going through this. And whether it's the loneliness or the physical changes. Like, I mean, there are wild things, like I grew, I grew, I've grown almost an inch since my awakening. How does that happen after you're 30 years old and at the same time I lost weight? Yeah. And at the same time, my foot grew. Yeah. And I mean, as you know, like, my body is totally been changing, too. Yeah. Right. Yeah. So people don't talk about this like, this is not normal stuff. Like we are. We are living beyond the era of normality. What humans have known is normal for the past thousands of years. We are now in a new like. This isn't in between. We're not in a new world yet. But in this, in between. So much strange phenomenon is occurring that people need to know that they're not alone. And our listeners, you guys who are listening now, you're not alone. If you've got random weird symptoms, like you're getting woken up in the middle of the night, your guides are standing by your bed. Like this is happening to people, even in our community. Yeah, or they're noticing that they're going out into the astral brown, or their physical body is going through changes like their heads sore, or they feel like they get the flu and randomly and then they're fine or or like you're having freaking dreams about, like, things that literally happen in real life. Like, yes, so many things. Like, I mean, these are this is not an accident. And we are here to affirm you that like, you're not alone in this. You're not alone. These are all normal things. Like we are all ascending together and our planet is ascending and we are. Our DNA is turning on like as a species. I mean, this is written in the Bible. It's not made up. This is not fake. And yeah, Jesus said, greater things will you do than I'm doing. What did Jesus do? He walked on water. Yeah. He healed people. He multiplied food like, okay, so what does that mean for the average human right. Yeah. And I mean, obviously we are learning every day like we don't know, but like, I mean, every day we're shocked and surprised and, you know, and it's just not why it's so important for us to do what we're doing right now. Because. I feel like just by sharing your experience, like you're helping someone else, because we are all connected and going through an awakening and doing the work and healing is not only helping you, it's a ripple effect. It helps everyone around you. Yes, there is no individual healing. We are all connected. So when you're healing or you're choosing the highest path, highest timeline for yourself, it will begin to affect you. Like you're saying, the ripple effect your family, your community and then expanding larger and larger. And that is that is how we affect the larger timelines. If enough of us are choosing our highest timelines, are choosing our healing and our growth and our highest potential, that is, that is going to bleed into the main collective. And yeah, I know how frustrating it is to feel so isolated and so alone. And then, you know, everybody has this like blanket of negativity around them. Like, everyone is so much pain physically and mentally right now. It's everywhere. And the more where you are, the more you can see it, the more important it is for you to hold your vibration at a certain level so that people can just meet you where you are and you don't get there, you know, by faking it or pushing down your pain or your trauma. It's only through working through the pain and the trauma and loving yourself where you're at that you naturally rebound to that higher natural state. So we're not about spiritual bypassing on this in this community or on this podcast. We are only about doing the actual work of healing ourselves. And as we heal ourselves, that natural vibration becomes attainable and it becomes our natural state. And then then we start to feel icky when we're not in it. Then we're like, oh wait, what are these emotions? This is an arrow pointing to something that needs healed or fixed, or change, or removed from my body or my energetic field. And then we do the work, and then we naturally go back to that state of love, joy, bliss, happiness, peace. Yeah. And that is the work. That is the work that we are practicing every single day through failing. Right? Not perfectly. And that's what we talk about here in this community and, and moving into our other episodes where we're talking about our travels. We are going to be talking about this stuff about sort of the shadow side of humans and the stuff we've learned going to these spiritual sites, the stuff that's been oppressed, that's been suppressed, that's been hidden from human knowledge, and it's all reflecting these inner truths of of healing ourselves, of healing our lineages, of attaining and maintaining that high vibrational natural resonance we belong at. Yeah. Paul said yep. And with that, we are so excited to welcome you to this podcast, and thank you for being here. And we look forward to all of the fun adventures and pieces of knowledge we will be learning and gaining together. Yes. Thanks for being here. Love you. Love you all.